Dating a recently separated woman


21-Jul-2017 15:14

We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.This is one of the most common dilemmas my patients have brought to me over the past four decades.Though there are multiple variations on the theme, there is one way in which they all are similar: two women are in a competitive triangle with the same man.A floppy relationship triangle exists when the man in question is at the apex of that triangle and the two women are represented by the other two points.Each woman is connected to the man but they are not usually connected to each other. The gamut can run from two women who have known one another in the past, even possibly friends, to total strangers who are now connected to each other only by being attached in some way to the same man.What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.

I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.

Floppy relationship triangles are essentially unstable and the outcomes are not only unpredictable, but often dire.

There are many factors that can affect these triangulated relationships, and how they are combined can affect the outcome in different ways.

Time Elapsed A new separation is clearly more undefined.

Committed couples often hit major snags in a relationship and lose each other for a period of time.

What you have to keep in mind is that separated is still married until the divorce is finalised and that means that there’s likely to be emotional as well as legal ties.